Sara's Discontent

Hi again my long lost friends

I know you don't miss me at all, At All! none of you come to visit anymore... :( Well, never mind, I can't blame you while I was absent these days. Well, I'm now officially exam free! This is really great. You know, I've never been to so stressed like this EVER. I have stomachache all the time, I don't want to eat or sometimes I want to eat a lot, I get mad really easily and I can't sleep until like lying on bed for 3 hours... It's like a nightmare. I know many of you have been to the similar situation in your life, but I think it's like having a baby! You think about it all the time, and you do everything for it. Ha, now it's over!

I feel quite well the past two days after exam, but not Super Duper Crazily Happy. Let me share with you and hope that you don't find it dragging you down. I am a generally happy person that once I let it out no matter how and to whom, it's like I no longer own that memory. In fact, I don't really need to let it out, I can hold it in my head and I won't go insane and let the negative things influence me too badly. HOWEVER, when I get elder, I find it the moment you share your intimate feeling even which may not be that happy, you will get closer with that listener. And now I have this blog, so I will simply tell you, besides my other tangible companies.

So, the thing is, remember I was so thrilled and grateful that the kids' learning center hire me after the fastest interview in the world (30 min)? That was my first job and I was really happy that everything seems going so smoothly. Well, the last day of my examination ended 1630 on Monday. After that me and 3 girls went to a Starbucks and have high tea. Right after the awesome and bring-me-back-to-life bitchy gossip which just like the younger version of Sex and The City. The director of the center (the boss) ringed me and told me she doesn't need me anymore and may she will call me later in July or August. That is like the first refusal in 7 years of my life, after that I didn't get an interview letter from the school that I wanted to get in (which I DID get in at the end).

That was only one of the few things that triggered my negative emotions. That day, I heard that two of my teachers are really Super nosy and being quite mean. The thing that I hate is - Come On,  if you are being bitchy and selfish and love to stab a knife on people's back, then stop standing there like you are a savior who is fair to everyone and all you want to do is to offer a helping hand. I would love it if teachers are being a bitch inside and out, just don't be a 'needle inside cotton' (Chinese saying) that you thought he/she is so harmless and soft and then you get hurt from them. it's horrible. 

So, besides all the horrible people I came to that day, I got an email. It's from that special someone again. He told me he is doing great on his project these days, and so he thinks we don't need to talk anytime soon. He will let me know whenever he needs me because he knows it I will be there for him when he needs it. That's true, I always support him and pray for him. Somehow I knew it would become like this after I told him we can't get back like the old day since we will never be anything other than wasting time. I always would love to keep him as my friend, simply because he is really one in a million, so smart and special to me. Maybe I'm still too young and have not really seen the world enough to say this, but I do think in this way after all these time. I saw him online for several times, but he never even cares to drop a line. Is the line between exgf and boredom really that thin?? What a cruel world... When did I become just a hotline for him to report him project process?? Can we maintain our precious friendship? Is it really that hard for him? Or it's just too boring and a waste of time to talk to a girl whom he can't flirt with?

Life is so strange, or ME is so strange. Either one of these things happen solely, it won't affect my emotion, but fate told them to happen on the same day, within 2 hours. Neither the Green Tea Cream Frappuccino nor the cheese spinach pie helped cheering me up. Originally I promised to pay for the dinner that night, to celebrate the break of of me and public exam, as I thought I would get paid by the kids' center. It turned out my parents paying for the Thai dinner. They were being nice, but I honestly was still a little bitter about EVERYTHING happened to me (while some of the things I couldn't tell them). Luckily that night, I found one of my favourite movie on youtube for free, the full length one I mean. Thought I remember all the details in it (I'd watched it quite a few times before), but it still made a good job making me cry a laugh so hard. PS. I Love you is just a soft touching and beautiful movie and story, so I took out the book that night. I found I have bought few a number of books to read the past few years, deal to the 4 years public exams, I never finished anyone of them. Now I will start with reading PS. I Love You.

Oh! It's not that a secret if you know me that I like guys with natural dark blond/light brown hair, great humour, if he is an Irish playing guitar, Mega Bonus Mark. That's why I really like the character Gerry in that book, just makes me smile. :) Well, it may sound stupid to fantasize a fictional man, but that's the privilege of reading fictions, right?

This is the long owned post for you guys, or for myself, since you don't really care. I think it's time for me to burn all the notes that have conquered my bed for a long time. Get into the wort out mode and lose some weight and find the perfect bloody red dress for my graduation dinner. 

I hope you are doing well and good things are happened for you. Make some jelly for yourself in this summer! It's refreshing. :)

Love, S.